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How to make an awesome fish batter

How To Create An Easy, Yummy Fish Batter that Probably Won't Make Your Heart Explode

For the good people out there who Want To Like Fish, but don't know how to prepare it, this morsel of wisdom is for you. I went through dozens of fried fish recipes trying to find the perfect batter for frying fish, and they all seemed to soak up massive amounts of oil and made me feel delirious, fat, and greasy after eating it.

If you want to fry fish...just do this.

1) Get fish. If you're fixin' to fry the fish, you'll want something inexpensive, like perch or white fish or something like that.

2) Fill a big bowl with something that turns into dry crumbs and pulverize it to a fine dust: Saltines, corn flakes, oyster crackers, you get the picture...

3) In A DIFFERENT BOWL, crack an egg and mix it up.

4) Dip a fish piece into the egg bowl, then roll the eggy piece of fish around in the bowl of dry crumbs until it's more or less evenly coated. Place it on a pan or a plate and repeat for each piece of fish.

5) Heat a couple tablespoons of oil in a pan until it's HOT, then drop in a few pieces of fish. They should make a satisfying Frying Sound (something between a gurgle and a hiss). Flip the pieces over after they turn nice an golden brown. Do this with all the fish.

That's it. If you want to get fancy you can add some salt or some spices into the bowl of pulverized crumbs. Paprika might be good. Some folks like rosemary.

You'll want some hot sauce or tartar sauce to go with the fish. For hot sauce I recommend something called "Lousiana, the perfect hot sauce" made by the privately owned Bruce Foods in Louisiana (http://www.brucefoods.com/ ). You know a food condiment is good when it has three ingredients "peppers, vinegar, salt"... unless the ingredients are "arsenic, botulism, hemlock" I suppose. But the point is, it's good hot sauce.

How to make tartar sauce.

1) Put four tablespoons of mayo in a bowl.
2) Add one tablespoon of pickle relish.
3) Mix the mayo and the pickle relish.
4) Dunk your fried fish into the tartar sauce and be happy.